I’ve been thinking about ren faires, and I’m wondering: do people just reenact the dark ages because “omg, it’s just liek LOTR!”, or is there perhaps a dumber reason? Then it occurred to me that we, as a species, hadn’t caught up with the pre-renaissance level of science and mathmatics until about 1997. (Clearly hyperbole. No angry emails.) This prompted me to think that guys like Euclid, Pythagoras, Aristotle, and Kevin Sorbo came across ideas like “a²+b²=c²“, “the Earth is round,” and “the cake is a lie” before they got around to thinking up the concept of pants. I got as far as thinking of going to a ren faire in a toga and shouting to random people that the Earth “is round” and “is composed of ultimately indivisible particles” before I realized that “ren faire” implies them glorifying the Renaissance, when the likes of Galileo, Da Vinci were trying to hoist society out of the dark ages. Which just goes to show how little I know about history offhand. (No really, Englewood Public Schools, I understand that there was a holocaust and it was a Bad Thing, but I think it might be a tad irresponsible on your part that if not for my own research, I would’ve graduated high school not knowing that the Cold War existed. Which is no small feat given that I was around to witness the tail end of it. [Fun fact: I learned about the Bay of Pigs in an economics class. Then again, that was at an alternative high school after I dropped out of real school, so maybe they were saving American history, post-1945 for our senior year.])

To put the absurdity of this line of thought into sharper contrast, yesterday the most interesting thing I could think of was “If anyone ever needed a swift and ruthless beating, it was Scrappy Doo.” My reasoning being that the little fucker might stop picking a fight with every animal, vegetable and/or mineral that came within 30 feet of the Mystery Machine after a hate crime level ass-whupping. And also because, like all Hanna-Barbera cartoons, every second he goes unbeaten is an affront to god. (Though I make an exception for Yogi Bear’s sidekick, Boo-Boo, because there is nothing about him that suggests he hasn’t already been defiled enough. Except maybe his little bow-tie.)

And now you know what kind of shit goes through my head while I’m waiting for the coffee to kick in. I will point out at this time that every commission I get will keep me occupied and away from this blog. Hint hint.